Murder Of The Great Chef

Characters

Some of the people who are gathered have been invited, the others have forced their way in. They are:

Mary Homebud (long-term fiancée)

I grew up in Cedar Rapids in Iowa. I worked at weekends at one of my parent’s shoe shops. They own a chain of stores around America. I enrolled in secretarial school in New York. I promised my parents that I would still go to church and be a good girl. They didn’t want the big city to corrupt me so they arranged for me to stay at my aunts. I met Alan. He was very handsome and rather suave and he’d trained in France for 6 months. He adopted the chicness of the French and used to say, “Excuse moi garcon” when we were at a restaurant. When Alan asked me out, I was amazed. I felt like such a country girl compared to him. But he said he liked my naiveté – whatever that meant!!! Unfortunately, after we were engaged, he didn’t bother taking me to restaurants any more.

General Sid Davies (brother)

Alan and I were always fighting as boys. He was older than me. He used to steal my toast and squeeze my mashed potato through his fingers. And if I told on him, he would punch me later on. He was mother’s pretty little pet. He spent a lot of time with her in the kitchen. I suppose that’s where he got interested in cooking. One of his little rackets was stealing from our dad’s coin collection. He used the money he stole to advertise his little business selling the cakes he made. When we were teenagers, whenever I met a pretty girl, he would always tell her I had incurable cold sores – a total lie. Because of the money from his cake business, he’d buy girls flowers and malted milks, so they fell for him.

Paula Tortula (second fiancée)

I grew up in New York. I had a lot of brothers and sisters, so we didn’t have much money to go around. My mother was always singing to herself as she did the laundry. At nighttime, the whole family gathered around the piano and my brother played and we all sang along. When I was 8, my mother entered me in a singing competition and I won. I was so thrilled. My mother used the money I won to pay for me to have singing lessons. When I was 18, I won another competition and one of the big name music scouts came back stage and asked me if I’d like to sing in a jazz band. He said I’d be the next Billie Holiday. It was my dreams come true to be able to sing for a living.

Yves Larousse (French chef)

I grew up in Paris. My father was a distributor of foodstuffs. As an only child, I spent a lot of time with my mother. She loved to cook. I knew I’d be a brilliant chef because I made honeycomb at the age of 4. By the age of 10, I was making soufflés and other extravagant dishes. I invented my own recipes like Spatch-cock and Spinach Swirl and Camembert Cream Croissants. I wrote them all down in a special book. I knew I wanted to be a chef, so I mastered the skills even before I went to culinary school. Even though I loved Paris, I knew I’d have to go overseas to obtain real fame and fortune.

Helena Flan (Institute administrator)

My parents moved all over the US, because my father was a traveling salesman. My dad was always selling the latest fad – here, there and everywhere. You know things like hula hoops, yo-yos and pogo sticks. I always liked to keep myself trim and fit (I still do) so I spent a lot of time with my dad’s exercise equipment. My dad was a classic salesman visiting every town. Mom didn’t seem to mind him being away a lot. My parents are very happy together. I think I inherited my Dad’s cheeky smile. Someday I want to settle down, but I’m only young and I haven’t met my honey bun yet.

David Wurst (apprentice chef)

I was born in Germany, but my parents immigrated to America. They run a deli and I loved working there, because I love food. I used to experiment with all the left-over scraps of food. You know – the bits of meats, slices of liverwurst and bits of cheeses. I’d cook them up into some pretty strange combinations like liverwurst and cabbage pie and frankfurt and cheese flan. But with practice, my combinations got better and better. I worked very hard at school and my grades were good enough for me to receive a Culinary Institute of America scholarship. During my 1st year at the Institute, I did very well. I topped the class in fact. During my 3rd year, the Great Chef died and Alan Davies became the new Great Chef. For me, that was a real turn for the wurst.

Cath Scarlet (bag lady)

My mother was a dancer at a nightclub over on the East Side of New York. We were poor. When I was growing up, mom used to let me play dress-ups and put on her make-up. When I turned 16, mom was getting a bit old and she’d done her back doing the Can-Can. So she had no choice but to send me to work as a dancer. I was always toppling over in my stilettos at first like a newborn giraffe, but I got used to them. During the war I got lots of tips entertaining the troops. But it didn’t last. Just like my mother, I did my back but this time doing the jitterbug. Then a few bad things happened and I ended up as a bag lady.

Joe – Slasher – Tessarario (gangster)

I grew up in Detroit. My dad was always in and out of the clink. He didn’t know how to arrange things properly. My mom wanted me to be a good Catholic boy. I loved my mom, so I just didn’t tell her my plans for raising capital. The real money, I discovered, you could make from investing your money – loaning it to people. If they used the money to make more money, we both got rich. Sure I charged a lot of interest, why do you think they call us loan-sharks, but I lent to people the banks considered risky. If they couldn’t repay, you told them you’d stand them in something sticky and heavy and I’m not talking about toffee. Generally they wised up. Soon I had a strong network of people who owed me favors. My troops.

Katie Pitman (Chef’s secretary)

I grew up in Washington DC. My father was an accountant. As the eldest girl of a family of 7, I had a lot of responsibility in the family. At school, I was good at my studies and I was the school captain. I don’t smoke but I admit I chew too much gum. At secretarial school, I topped my class. I was able to type a hundred words a minute. I still can. My ancestors invented shorthand. Maybe that’s why I was so good at it. I met my wonderful husband William when I was 22. He went to the war and joined the ground troops in Germany. Fortunately he survived. He is an engineer. After the war, his work took him to New York, so we moved here. I love it here because I can buy the smart-type of clothes that you just can’t get in DC.

George Creuset (pot-washer)

I was an only child. My mother died having me. My father raised me with his sister’s help. We were as poor as caged hamsters, but my dad still knew how to have a good time. He could really make his mouth-organ sing. I think dad’s attitude to life has rubbed off on me. I’m always whistling while I wash my pots. And I love singing. I wish I could sing like Paula. I’ve been washing pots at the Institute for 5 years. I didn’t go to the war because I have flat feet. I don’t want to be a pot-washer forever. I’ve got plans. Big plans. I dabble in electronics and I’ve invented a machine which will wash pots. I call it Creuset’s Cleaning Contraption – well that’s the working title – it’s actually a ‘dishwasher’ without arms or legs. I haven’t married yet. I want to wait until I stopped being a pot-washer and have launched my invention.

Mrs Dulcie Gobbler (patron of the Institute)

I grew up in Boston. My parents were extremely wealthy. I was sent to finishing school in Paris. While I was in Paris, I met Arnold. He was there studying to be a chef. We fell madly in love – oh how I remember those nights under the Eiffel Tower. Of course my parents were horrified to hear I’d fallen for a chef. But Arnold and I were very determined. We eloped at the end of our studies. For a long time, my parents refused to meet Arnold, but after our first child Jimmy was born, they were dying to see their grandchild. I told them they could only see him if they came to our house and met Arnold. After my parents met Arnold, they could see why I’d married him. He was such a dignified man and so caring about other people. Now I am a patron of the Institute.

Fred Cleaver (butcher)

I was born in New York. I’d always loved all those gory war stories and the sight of blood had never worried me, so I decided to be a butcher. Meat has always been my favorite food – feed the boy beef and make a butcher of him I suppose. Vegetables are a waste of time except for French-Fries. They go well with steak. After my apprenticeship I worked in a few butcher shops then I went and did my time at the war, WW1 that is. I was in the navy. When I got back from the war an old bachelor uncle of mine died and left me some money, so I set up my own shop. My shop was near the Institute and pretty soon I had them as a customer. My prices are competitive and my parsley and pork sausages are the best in town. I met Bessie after I’d got the shop. She’s a great wife and our kids are good kids.