Hawaiian Lunacy

Characters

The suspects are:

Beachie

I’m a female world championship surfer. I’ve won it so many times, I’ve almost lost count. I have a holiday house on the Big Island. I am a pretty tough woman. You have to be to surf as you have to fight for each wave with a bunch of guys.

Brad

I’m a lifeguard at the beach. In my spare time, I go bike riding and play the ukulele. I like the fact that the ukulele was invented in Hawaii and that it means “jumping fleas” and people called it that because the musician’s fingers flew about like fleas on it.

Kainoa (pronounced Ki-no-uh)

I have a macadamia nut farm in Kona. I also grow some coffee beans on it. Although macadamias are native to Australia, most people mistakenly believe they are native to Hawaii. I don’t mind because we sell a lot at the airport. I have a stand near the highway so I also sell to tourists. The tour buses stop at it. I lay on my Hawaiian accent for the tourists and I try to be as much of a character as I can be by calling everyone sista, bro, auntie or uncle.

Tanya

I’m a seismologist and I’m proud of it. People sometimes get a tremor when I’m around – only joking. I spend a lot of time monitoring the volcano we have here. I’m from mainland USA but I have made Hawaii my base.

Penny

I climb coconut palms and de-nut them so they don’t drop on tourists’ heads when they go to the beach. At the markets I sell fresh green coconuts for people to drink.

Mango Man

I’m well-known identity and I live in the rainforest. No one knows exactly where. I walk to town most days. I live off the land, but sometimes when the fruit isn’t ripe I go to the Church soup kitchen. Some people think I have eaten their dog, but that isn’t true.

Pua (pronounced poo’ ah)

My name means “flower”. I am a descendent of the royal family that used to run Hawaii. The last few leaders didn’t have any children, but I am a cousin of an earlier leader. I believe in taking back Hawaii for Hawaiians and separating from the US. I am passionate about this cause. After all the land was taken away from Hawaiians and they broke all their promises. I love children and good uke music.

Ernie

I am a vermin exterminator. I remove cockroaches and other pests that are common in this tropical climate. I am into bugs especially the kinds that make some people scream and run.

Nani (pronounced nah’ nee)

My name means “beautiful”. I sing at one of the best resorts. I’ve recorded a few CDs and am still waiting for my big break. Jazz is my favorite thing to sing besides Hawaiian tunes. I love sharing my culture with the tourists, except when they are culturally insensitive.

Don

I design tropical houses that are suited to this climate. It’s a shame that isn’t what most people want to live in. I am also into bicycling and planting trees.

Lana (pronounced lah nah)

My name means “calm as still waters”. Maybe that is why I try to be the opposite. I take tourists sky-diving, bungee jumping, rafting or on any other adventurous activity they want to do besides visiting the volcano.

Keanu

I fish both from the land and in my boat. My father was a fisherman and his father was before him. So I carry on the tradition. I also play guitar and write songs.